Knife free fun.

Manda's parents left this morning. It was an action packed week. *yawn* I'm still recovering from all the time spent in the car.

Our first stop was Tombstone, a historic western town about an hour southeast of Tucson. It took us roughly 3 hours of listening to country music to make the journey. Now I don't hate country music. In fact I usually enjoy it in small doses. Three hours was a little much but worth the pain. I did learn a few things.

Manda's dad loves country music. Loves it. I'm talking "shamelessly singing off-key at the top of your lungs" loves country music. It was adorable. And he actually has a decent voice. It was just those really high notes that made my ears bleed. Almost erased those images of him with the machete. Almost.

Manda's dad knows a lot of random facts about random things. Thanks to my blackberry we were able to investigate his random knowledge. As a group, we are now much smarter.

Tombstone was a hit. Manda's dad loved the old western town and the characters found throughout it.

After a quick three hour return trip to Phoenix for a night's sleep, we drove five hours up to the Hoover Dam the next morning. I tried to rebel against the country music. After all, I'd listened to 6 hours of it the day before. My protests succeeded for about an hour. But I was ultimately overruled by everyone else. Manda apparently had forgotten how much she just loves country music! :o)

Hoover dam was a hit as well. Manda's dad was impressed with the engineering feat but not the prices of the food. No he didn't like the prices at all.

From the Hoover dam we drove 3 hours to Williams, Arizona. Williams is found on the historic Route 66 which immediately earned it cool points with Manda's parents. I thought everyone had driven on  Route 66, but apparently if you're from po-dunk Alabama there's a good chance you haven't.

Williams is where the weather caught our attention. 39 degrees. Really? 32 degrees with wind chill. Really?! I knew it would be cooler, but that's down right winter weather!

Manda's dad again earned adorable points by continually talking about the weather difference between Phoenix and Williams. To quote: "15 degrees I could see, but a 40-50 degree difference?!" For us Arizonans, this difference is not only expected but welcomed. Northern Arizona is our haven from the heat.

The next morning we caught a historic train to the Grand Canyon. Again, Manda's dad was adorable. Apparently he likes trains.

For those of you who don't know, Manda's dad was in a motorcycle accident 3-4 weeks ago. His broken bones and road rash are still healing, so he's still taking life slowly and from a new perspective. He was an absolute delight on the train ride. It was like watching a kid experience something new for the first time.

Needless to say, the Grand Canyon was a huge hit. How could it not be? ... well, the bone chilling cold almost ruined it. We had to get creative to keep warm.

After touring the great state of Arizona from the southeast corner to the Northwest corner, we called our sight seeing adventures complete. Manda's parents are already compiling a list of things they want to see the next time they come.

And for those of you wondering, the machete never appeared. Although there were some points during the many hours of country karaoke that I wished it had!

Peace Out!

:o)

Hiding the knives.

My pseudo "in-laws" are coming to town.  That means my pseudo "father-in-law" is coming as well... and staying with us. For those of you who don't know, Manda's dad scares the SH*T out of me.

Don't get me wrong. He's a nice guy. He just loves his daughter a LOT. And when I saw a lot, I mean this:

Back in 2004, Manda was moving out here from Birmingham, so I flew out there to drive back with her. Her car was packed up, we're saying our goodbyes and getting ready to drive away. Her dad hadn't said ONE word to me the entire time I was there when suddenly, and I mean suddenly, he looked me square in the eyes and said "you take care of my daughter."

I admit, I peed myself a little. Which in my mind is better than soiling myself. Less stinky.

The next few times he saw me, he looked through me. Then a few times after that he started talking to me when he'd had a few drinks. Only after the Thanksgiving diarrhea incident  has he actually acknowledged my presence and started what some would consider "normal" conversations. Diarrhea brings people together. Just saying.

Because her father and I are in that cautious and delicate stage of developing and establishing our relationship, I'm scared that the more time I spend with him the greater the chance of me screwing up is.  Not that I'm a screw up, I mean I can be, but you know what I'm saying... right?

Did I ever tell you the story about when he was sharpening his machete? Manda is shaking her head right now because it wasn't really a machete, it was a pocket knife that, in my mind, was the size of a machete. Anyways, he was sharpening his machete when he says to Manda's mom "you know what I'm gonna do with this?". Ummmm... What? "I'm gonna use it on Lindsay since she's the reason my daughter's in Arizona."

I've been assured he was joking, but I'm hiding all the kitchen knives just in case.

Peace Out.

:o)

Sticky Toes.

Had to share this story from a few weeks ago:

In our Alabama induced food coma, we returned to Arizona. We picked the kids up from the borders and since they had that "some larger dog peed on me" smell we took them directly to the doggie salon to get prettied up.

There's a new Petsmart down the street from our house, so we didn't have to drive far. We were hanging out in the entryway of the grooming center for a good 5 minutes when suddenly Manda shrieked.

Yes shrieked.

We both looked down to see Garrison lifting his leg over Manda's feet. She was wearing sandals. Urine was running down her shins and between her toes. Even after the shriek Garrison continued to pee as if it was the most normal thing in the world to lift his leg and pee on his mom.

After Garrison was finished, we both just stood there. Well. Okay. I was laughing hysterically and Manda was letting a few four letter words fly. But there was standing involved.

As I was laughing, the assistant manager of Petsmart walked up to us and between giggles offered to clean Manda's shoes with sanitizer. Manda accepted.  The groomer gave us a few towels to clean up with.

In total, this is the third time in Garrison's young life that he's peed on Manda.

He has never peed on me.

Peace Out.
=o)

Top Ten: Manda Bday Adventures

Okay. I know it's not Tuesday. I'm breaking precedent here, but since I wrote this on Thursday  and Thursday starts with a "T" too, I thought I could get away with it. Maybe it needs to be Th-op Th-en Th-ursday?... It'll just sound  like I have a speech impediment. No big deal since I look like I should have one  anyways. 

As I mentioned before, Manda's mother Carol, aunt Rhonda and cousin  Jessie were in town for her birthday. You might be wondering how I survived 4  days and 3 nights with four women from Alabama? Simple. I developed a southern  accent and tried to fit in amongst the foreigners. :o)

Actually, Manda's family is a riot. When asked what Carol wanted to do when she was here, she had two answers: see Menopause the Musical and meet our friends. Here's the run down on the fun we  had:

10. Staying up late, eating home made peanut butter cake, talking "girl talk". It reminded me of my college days when my roommates used to sit eating a gallon of ice cream exclaiming "I'm so fat!"... only to utter "why don't any of the guys like me?!" a few minutes later. Classic good times right there.

9. Trekking to Scottsdale to attend "Menopause the Musical".  I learned a lot about "the change" as they called it. It was hilarious until it got awkward. Turns out this musical has a naughty side. More about that later. 

8. Driving to the summit of South Mountain. I almost drove off the rode several times due to the scenery. Luckily, everyone's screams brought me back to reality in time to steer back onto the road. We took the puppies too. Garrison wore his

brand new

backpack. Not five minutes after we got out of the car, he lifted his leg and peed all over the side of it. Fantastic.

7. Introducing Manda's family to "the boys" (Stoney and Tony). By the end of the evening the boys were receiving far more attention than Manda and I. What is it with straight women and gay men!?

6. Carol wanted to go dancing. When asked where she wanted to go, she replied "where you guys normally go." Okay, one lesbian bar coming up. This resulted in Carol, wide-eyed and smiling, dancing her butt off in a lesbian bar. When question about her wide-eyed-ness, she responded. "I have led a sheltered life. This is all very new to me. But I am having a great time."

5. Having dinner with 6 of our closest friends at one of our favorite restaurants (Sam's Cafe). Not only was dinner good, but the company was better. Plus, dessert was comped. Being the cheap bastard that I am, that alone made all the planning worth while.

Stoney and Tony are missing from this picture. But in their place is a large pillar. I have no clue why we're all cuddle around that thing like it's freaking Santa Claus.

4. Watching Carol drink 6 margaritas. Then when my back was turned, having her stab me in the butt with a fork and exclaim "I forked you!". Really. What does one say to something like that? "Thank you" doesn't seem adequate. In the heat of the moment, all I could think to say was: "Why, yes you did." ( A side note: I used to think I was smooth. But I am finding more and more evidence that I'm really not.)

3. Taking Manda's family to a gay country western bar and watching Carol, Rhonda and Jessie's  eyes light up at all the attractive men. Then watching their eyes dim when they  realized they were all gay. One of them muttered: "what a waste."

2.  Getting to the naughty part of Menopause the Musical. Somewhere towards the end, the topic turned to sex... or the lack there of. The actresses exclaimed "what you need is mommy's

real

little helper", then started singing a version of "Good vibrations" which included  lyrics like "She's needing some good vibrations... ".  Then came a version of Tina Turner's song What's Love Got To Do With it... only the lyrics included: "Who needs romancing for your own private dancing..."  I managed to avoid all eye contact with Manda's mother during  this portion of the entertainment.  After the show, Carol kept saying "I don't think you liked it... I didn't see you laughing very much."... yeah. Cuz it got

really

awkward in some parts.

1. Witnessing Carol meet her first drag queen. Then witnessing her  feel the drag queen up. Then listening to her say "her boobs might look real,  but they're not" for the next 3 hours.

To summarize: Manda's family came, Manda got older, Manda's family left. Somewhere in the middle a great time was had by all. For more photos, visit our

picasa

.

Peace Out.

:o)

Talkin in her sleep.

Hi. It's almost 1:30am. And I can't sleep again. Tylenol Pm will make you sleepy my ass!

But anyways. That's not why I'm writing. So Manda is sound asleep... and I do mean sound asleep. She's full of all kind of noises. A few minutes ago, between her cute little snores, she turned to me and said "this thing is freaking fantastic!". And that was it. She was asleep again.

I don't know what the heck she was talking about.  She wouldn't answer me when I asked her "What?" But if it really is that fantastic, why is she not sharing it with me!? :o)

Peace Out. (and hopefully sweet dreams!)

Why I love you.

It's been a while since I have posted on here.  I guess I have been neglecting our blog.  How horrible of me.  At least I am consistent, I have been neglecting my "other blog" for two years or more.  It's just hard.  Sometimes I get caught up in the chaotic disarray of everyday life. 

I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of my feelings with you, Linds.  I know I tell you every day I love you, but I don't know if you realize how much.  So, here goes an attempt.....


You.  You're so many things to me.  My best friend.  My companion.  My soul mate.  You make each day worth waking up for, worth enduring.  You are the perfect combination of humor, wit and beauty, both inside and out.  I love the way you can take any situation and see the good in it.  You can find humor in every aspect of life, no matter what it is.  I love when you get the giggles and can't stop laughing.  Your eyes start watering and you can't talk.  You are loyal to a fault.  Intelligent.  I love that you don't realize how very smart you are.  Your genuine love for animals. I love how you can laugh at yourself.  I love that you don't like onions and tomatoes.  =o)


You make me a better person by just being in my life.  Just being in your presence makes everything better.  And the biggest reason why I love you.....because you're you.  Thank you for sharing your life with me.


Well, enough sappiness. 


L8R.

Manda

Remember Me?

Okay. So we've been really busy. Thanksgiving, traveling, learning to knit, Christmas, more traveling. Crazy busy. Probably similar to how your lives have been recently.

We'll fill in the gaps in the next couple of days. Until then I just wanted to wish everyone Happy Holidays. Oh and to leave with you with the following images.

The story behind these images is: Manda's mom gave us each a gift card to Gap for Christmas. We went shopping tonight. She instructed us to send her photos of what she bought us. Well. Here you go.

I am wearing a white undershirt, white collared dress shirt, jean jacket, and "wonkey heart" (per the receipt) boxer briefs. I don't normally wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes. But. Well. It was either put them on over my pants or take a photo of me in my underwear. I didn't think Manda's mom wanted that mental image. :o)

It's been mentioned that I have "fashion icon" tendencies. I display them here.  Don't hate.

Manda has on two different raglan baseball shirts, a brown long sleeve shirt around her waist, a black undershirt, followed by lucky four leaf clover boxer briefs covering navy khakis.

Thanks Carol!!

:o)

Scorpion Fun.

Ok, so I get this phone call at work from Lindsay.  She is giggling and can't explain why.  Of course, that makes me start giggling.  Linds goes on to explain the story you just read about the scorpion.

I laughed so hard I almost cried.  Then it settled in that I might have walked right over the icky critter on my way out the door for work.  *shudder*  I now have the bug man on speed dial!

Man, she was seriously mad at me for 2 hours after our little interaction with the critter.  I mean, tell me, what would you do if a "dead" scorpion came to life and jumped up at you?  You would push it away from you, right?  Ok, just making sure.  Is it really my fault the place it ended up was on her chest?  =o)

L8R.
Manda

Excuse me?!

That's right.....that would be my girl you are rubbing on!

The nerve of some women!  Seriously!

I just wish I could had been there to see the look on Lindsay's face when that happened.  Lindsay is not what you would call a touchy, feely kind of gal.  To have someone she barely knows encroaching on her personal space is crossing the line, much less touching her "biceps".......that would have been hilarious.

Can't say that I was thrilled with it, but it was amusing nonetheless.

L8R.
Manda

Lonely?

Alone.  Bored.  Nothing to do.  How do you pass the time?  I had to figure that out while Lindsay was in Seattle.  What did I do, you ask?

Had parties.  Slept around.  All the typical things you do when you are all alone and bored, right?  Riiiight.

Honestly, I worked long hours and counted the minutes until I could talk to my girl.  I was a miserable mess without her here.  =o(

I did get to take my first trip to Seattle on Lindsay's birthday.  That was a good time.  Got to mingle with the locals and sample the local culture.  Would definitely go back.

L8R.
Manda

Cruising.

On occasion I travel for my profession. Not every lung transplant happens locally. (Who knew?)  There were half a dozen lungs needing new homes in Seattle. I decided to help them move in.

Although I reserved a Porsche with the rental car company. They were idiots. A ford focus? You're kidding. Please be kidding. Surely you have something larger. Something that doesn't depend on hamsters to move.

Lindsay. Meet Freda. Freda's a ford focus.

Sexy. That's what Freda was. The green paint contrasted nicely with the blue waters and concrete freeways. Plus, as I mentioned earlier, Freda matched my eyes.

It rained. Freda handled the slicks and puddles well. A hydroplane here or there is good for blood circulation. Not to mention my fellow drivers enjoyed the opportunities to flip me off and honk their horns. Within days, my nickname was "learn how to drive!"... *sigh*... the memories.

Manda spent the weekend with me. She was fortunate to spend time with Freda. Since my hotel was actually outside of Seattle, Freda escorted us across Lake Washington several times. Because Freda was so well built, I didn't even notice the bridge across Lake Washington was a floating bridge. You'd think "floating... surely you got sea sick". Maybe in lesser cars. But not in Freda. I didn't bob up and down. Not once.

Manda and I had a blast zipping around. Freda was so agile. First to expensive restaurants. Then to the Seattle Aquarium (cute little fishies). Next to the Space Needle (The name is misleading. It is not in space. I kind of felt ripped off.) Eventually we found our way to the Seattle Underground. (It was underground. No misleading there) Sure we were tourists... but with Freda's Washington license plate, we felt like locals.

Freda was so different from the others I've driven. There wasn't an awkward period in the beginning. We clicked right away. She was perky. Eager to please. She had tight curves. Sure her head lights weren't as large as others, but she was beautiful on the inside. You could ease her gently or make her squeal. When I begged her to stop, she did. She was just so responsive. *sigh*

Seattle was great. Sure. I spent a good chunk of time moving lungs around. But then Freda spent a lot of time moving me around. Having Manda there to experience new things with me made it even better.

Manda. Freda. Me. Almost sounds like a kinky 3some.

Peace Out.

Lindsay

First Glance.

No ad-libbing or exaggeration?  Accurate and spot on memory?  You're so cute.

It does seem as if it was lifetimes ago that I lived in Alabama and was married.  Yes.  I said married.  I know, you need another moment, right?

<---------- insert a moment here. 

LOL
....I will never forget our first telephone conversation.  You totally acted like a little school girl, giggling.  I believe my response to you was, of course I have an accent, I am from the South!  We certainly had a connection the moment we "met."  (You should know to never under estimate the power of a Southern Girl's charm.)

Ahhhh, the online community was a life changing occurrence in my life.  A group of about 10 of us got together to put faces with names.  Linds was supposed to fly into Birmingham and travel by car with me to meet the rest of the ladies.  Turns out, the weather didn't cooperate and she got to our destination before I did.  So, I pulled up in my car, then got out and observed the scenery.  I wanted to check out this "Token Straight Girl", TSG, if you will.  My first thoughts: she's cute, and so gay.  (TSG, my ass!)

Getting to know her was a blast.  We became fast friends, best friends, talking on the phone daily and laughing until we cried!  (Lindsay, my dear, I hate to spoil your fantasy, but I wouldn't say I had the "hots" for you from the beginning......ok, so I had a crush, just a small one though.)  After all, she was straight, right? =o)  Boy was she a flirt, a SERIOUS flirt.  Nothing like being a lesbian and having one of your "straight" friends flirt with you like this.  We were sharing a hotel room with a couple other friends.  Lindsay and I were sharing a bed and Lindsay decides to roll over on me!  Grinning the whole time.  Not once.  Not twice.  THREE TIMES!!  Oh, and how many lesbians have their "straight" friends ask..."do you think I would be a good kisser?"  Yes, I squirmed.  I almost came out of my skin.  Squirm, squirm, squirm!

I will never forget the moment we realized we were more than friends.  *sigh*  That moment changed my life forever.  I never thought my flight from Birmingham would land that day.  Our six hour first date was by far more earth shattering than any date I have ever been on.  *grin* And for me, that date was also the first time we really met.

L8R.
Manda

Airport Antics.

OK, so it couldn't get worse?  HA....the trip from hell had only just begun.

After Lindsay decided to try re-arranging the skin on her fingers via a fast moving dog leash, we left for the airport.  We stopped to get a quick bite to eat before trudging through security.  Taco Bell was the fast, cheap, easy and on the way decision.  We order our usual, 3 crunchy tacos each and a drink to share.  The drink request was Sierra Mist.  You know how you have your mouth all prepared for one thing and take a big ole drink of it?.....then SURPRISE, it's actually Pepsi!  Yeah, it was interesting.)

So, we pull into the parking garage to begin the unbelievably fun task of finding a parking spot when all of a sudden, out of NO WHERE, this guy in his P.O.S. little Honda Accord comes flying out of his parking spot backward.  "Jerk Face" (this is the cleaned up version of what I actually called him) didn't even look before he pulled a Jeff Gordon in reverse and almost took us out.  Of course we did the same thing any normal person would do, honked the horn and gave the evil eye.  Well, "Jerk Face" laughed and flipped us off!  FLIPPED US OFF!!  Can you believe that?  *sigh*  My blood pressure just shot up thinking about it.

Alright, where was I, "Jerk Face" got me all discombobulated...so, we get inside the airport and stand in line to get through security when the TSA Nazi's confiscate half our toiletries.  Who knew they changed the ounce requirements.  Who knew having a 5 oz bottle of lotion that was only half full was "against the rules?"  We wait in line, go through the cattle call that is necessary to board any Southwest flight.  All this with only a minor 30 - 45 minute delay.  (if you travel at all, you know a 30 - 45 minute delay is fantastic!)  We pick our seats and settle in for the "long" flight to Vegas.  Ahhh, finally we will be able to relax and get ready to throw down in Sin City, right?  RIIIIGHT.  We're airborne and the flight attendant gets everyone their drinks, typical flight shenanigans.  Suddenly, there is a shuffling noise, three heads in the seats in front of us pop up....then, Lindsay's feet, my feet and both of our backpacks are covered in Vodka Tonic.  My disbelief is only compounded when I hear what one of the "Intellectually Challenged Klutz's" say, "Uh, the plane like, just went up."  (Ok, let me think about this for a second....first of all, I don't know about you, but when I am on a plane, it is in the air and I am not to my destination yet, I am DAMN glad it is "up"....isn't the other alternative down?  My second observation at this moment was....if the plane "just went up" wouldn't the drinks that were sitting on the tray in front of Lindsay, the lady beside us, myself AND EVERYONE ONE ELSE ON THE PLANE have spilled every where too?  Just curious.)  On with the story...we land in Vegas and are getting ready to deplane when I notice something about the "Intellectually Challenged Klutz's" attire.  One of the girls had on this little dress that barely covered her "junk" and it was SOAKED in Vodka Tonic, one of the other ICK's looked like he had downed an entire gallon of water and didn't quite make it to the potty.  Isn't justice divine?

Checking into the hotel was a breeze, I caught myself thinking "this trip might turn out ok"....shouldn't we know better than to tease ourselves with this line of thinking?  Lindsay and I go see the bride-to-be and her pals in their room and head to our room to call it a night.  Nothing like crawling onto a slab of freshly laundered concrete and curling up with a sandpaper blanket to catch some zzzz's.  Finally, sleep takes over and I am dreaming of beautiful meadows when suddenly a dark figure appears in the meadow with a FOG HORN blaring in my ear....wait, that isn't a dark figure with a fog horn, that would be an obnoxiously loud alarm going off in the hotel.  *sigh* I get up and open the door expecting smoke or fire or a crazy bastard with a gun and I see nothing, NOTHING!  (Oh, by the way, it happens to be 7 A.M.)  I crawl back into the slab and pull the sand paper back over me and try to re-visit the meadows when a VERY, VERY LOUD voice begins speaking to me.  I look at Lindsay as if to get confirmation that she heard them too.  She is wide-eyed and questioning her sanity as well.  So, we both stop to listen to what the voice has to say....."YOU MAY HAVE HEARD AN ALARM.  PLEASE STAY IN YOUR ROOM AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS.  SECURITY IS CHECKING INTO THIS."  (who knew there was a loud speaker IN our room ABOVE our bed?)  Nice.  Stay in your room so you can get blown up or some weirdo can come kidnap you.....  Do they expect us to go back to sleep now?  Honestly!  Lindsay and I do what any good guest would do, we open the door and look around...no, really, we lie in bed and "await instructions". Are you wondering what those instructions were?  "PLEASE DISREGARD THE ALARM. EVERYTHING IS FINE."  However, they couldn't say this and be done.  No.  They repeated it 10 times, VERY, VERY loudly.  Did I mention VERY?  We gave up, got out of bed for breakfast and went to the little store down stairs to purchase toiletries, thanks to the TSA Nazi's.

SO....later that day, we decide to try out the new toiletries.  Seriously, the shower was the worst thing about the whole trip.  No.  Really.  I turn the handle to hot and cannot believe what comes out, or doesn't, depending on the way you look at it.  There is barely a trickle when it is pointed to hot and you had to turn the handle to cold to have a stream of water very similar to what comes from a garden hose without a nozzle on it.  Washing my hair was a blast.  Bathing was even better.  The Sahara SUCKS!  Never EVER stay there.

Keep in mind, while all of this is going on, I am still having to play "Firefighter" and get the "baby" her ice for her savaged fingers.  Ironically, the rest of the trip was pretty uneventful.  (if you call penis sip cups and penis bopper head bands uneventful....)  We got home relatively unscathed and lived to travel again.

Our next trip was quite interesting too...I should write a book about all the interesting airport antics we experience.  =o)

L8R.
Manda