Crackling Fire...

Three and a half hours in the car was a little much for Garrison who'd never spent more than 45 minutes previously. It was amusing to look in the back seat and see him staring at the floor in boredom. He was a good sport the whole way to Lakeside, where we'd rented a cabin for the weekend.

Lucy helped Manda drive. Lucy feels it necessary to help with tasks such as this. It helps her feel needed. She's attempted cooking and wrapping presents as well, but driving is her most successful assist thus far.

Within a few minutes of arriving we had our fire going... Both pyros to our core, the fire was THE most important part of the trip. The crackling and popping are imperative for roasting marshmallows. And boy did we roast marshmallows.

Manda is always educating me on things. She's a never ending source of new knowledge. Imagine my delight when she taught me that while eating a freshly roasted marshmallow, it can get stuck to the roof of your mouth. Her eyes bulging, I had to remind her that her body comes equipped with a backup breathing device. Breath through your nose! We laughed so hard we cried. This went on for hours. I think this single night alone was the funniest one I've had all year.

Our cabin was roughly 250 square feet. It doesn't take much of a fire to warm that small of a space up... It was 32 degrees outside and we were walking around our cabin, in our underwear, with the windows open, because it was too hot to wear clothing. (No pictures of this, sorry.)  Guess we built the fire a little too big. Which if you ask Manda, is impossible. There is no such thing as "a fire too big". (hence, how we got ourselves into that situation)

Friday night we fell asleep with the fire roaring and the windows open. It was PERFECT... for us. Manda woke around 3am, the fire was out and the cabin was frigid. Poor Garrison was laying on his bed shivering. Turns out it got down to 26 that night. We snuggled him under the covers with us and he slept the rest of the night like a champ. Of course he hogged the bed and kicked in his sleep, but as long as he was warm that's all that matters.

We spend Saturday morning hiking around the lake near our cabin. The dogs were in heaven. Manda and I were frozen. It was damn cold near the lake. We thought about fishing, but decided against it when we considered 1. Who would bait the hooks 2. Who would remove the fish from the hook if we actually caught anything. Neither of us were willing to volunteer for either task, so we spend the rest of the afternoon napping and watching football.

Okay, so I napped and she watched football. All that matters is Alabama beat LSU. Roll Tide!

We roasted turkey-dogs over the fire Saturday night. I hadn't done that since I was a kid. Fortunately, the turkey-dog did not get stuck to the roof of Manda's mouth. Apparently, that delight is isolated soley to marshmallows only.

The trip was a blast and a needed break. We'll definitely be going back again!

Peace Out.

:o)

Knife free fun.

Manda's parents left this morning. It was an action packed week. *yawn* I'm still recovering from all the time spent in the car.

Our first stop was Tombstone, a historic western town about an hour southeast of Tucson. It took us roughly 3 hours of listening to country music to make the journey. Now I don't hate country music. In fact I usually enjoy it in small doses. Three hours was a little much but worth the pain. I did learn a few things.

Manda's dad loves country music. Loves it. I'm talking "shamelessly singing off-key at the top of your lungs" loves country music. It was adorable. And he actually has a decent voice. It was just those really high notes that made my ears bleed. Almost erased those images of him with the machete. Almost.

Manda's dad knows a lot of random facts about random things. Thanks to my blackberry we were able to investigate his random knowledge. As a group, we are now much smarter.

Tombstone was a hit. Manda's dad loved the old western town and the characters found throughout it.

After a quick three hour return trip to Phoenix for a night's sleep, we drove five hours up to the Hoover Dam the next morning. I tried to rebel against the country music. After all, I'd listened to 6 hours of it the day before. My protests succeeded for about an hour. But I was ultimately overruled by everyone else. Manda apparently had forgotten how much she just loves country music! :o)

Hoover dam was a hit as well. Manda's dad was impressed with the engineering feat but not the prices of the food. No he didn't like the prices at all.

From the Hoover dam we drove 3 hours to Williams, Arizona. Williams is found on the historic Route 66 which immediately earned it cool points with Manda's parents. I thought everyone had driven on  Route 66, but apparently if you're from po-dunk Alabama there's a good chance you haven't.

Williams is where the weather caught our attention. 39 degrees. Really? 32 degrees with wind chill. Really?! I knew it would be cooler, but that's down right winter weather!

Manda's dad again earned adorable points by continually talking about the weather difference between Phoenix and Williams. To quote: "15 degrees I could see, but a 40-50 degree difference?!" For us Arizonans, this difference is not only expected but welcomed. Northern Arizona is our haven from the heat.

The next morning we caught a historic train to the Grand Canyon. Again, Manda's dad was adorable. Apparently he likes trains.

For those of you who don't know, Manda's dad was in a motorcycle accident 3-4 weeks ago. His broken bones and road rash are still healing, so he's still taking life slowly and from a new perspective. He was an absolute delight on the train ride. It was like watching a kid experience something new for the first time.

Needless to say, the Grand Canyon was a huge hit. How could it not be? ... well, the bone chilling cold almost ruined it. We had to get creative to keep warm.

After touring the great state of Arizona from the southeast corner to the Northwest corner, we called our sight seeing adventures complete. Manda's parents are already compiling a list of things they want to see the next time they come.

And for those of you wondering, the machete never appeared. Although there were some points during the many hours of country karaoke that I wished it had!

Peace Out!

:o)

Chew and Swallow.

During my hiatus from the blog, not only did I drive around the block a lot, I also finished my first two courses for my master's. During finals week, Manda didn't see me very much.  We were two ghosts passing in the night. Thankfully, it was only a week!

We also traveled to Alabama to meet her new niece, Sarah Ann, and eat.  Seriously.  All we did was eat during the four days we were there.  Manda's mom made her famous BBQ the first night of our trip. We were so excited about it that during our lay-over in Memphis we ate Lay's potato chips and Reeses Pieces to avoid spoiling our appetites. No lie.

The next day Manda took me to her favorite BBQ restaurant (Bob Sykes). I don't know if you've eaten a lot of BBQ within 24 hours, but that'll mess with your internal pipes. I had a moment of panic in the restaurant bathroom when my stomach was rejecting the BBQ overload. Remember #10 from our holiday adventures list last Thanksgiving? I almost had a repeat. The bathroom had two stalls, both empty. I did eenie-meenie-miny-mo and went to the right. I was just finishing up my business when someone occupied the other stall. She was the one who discovered that toilet didn't work. I almost cried with joy at her misfortune.

Anyways back to the eating. After a gynormous lunch of southern BBQ, we had a sleep over at her cousin's where we gorged ourselves on candy, pizza, ice cream, and home made peanut butter cake.  *burp*

I could not eat breakfast the next morning because my stomach was on strike. For lunch we had mexican food. Lots of mexican food.  For dinner we met a couple of Manda's former high school groupies and decided to go easy with soup and salad ... and a huge dessert. *groan*

For breakfast on the last day we were there, Manda's mom made breakfast casserole. Don't know if you've had the southern version, but the only thing missing is the gravy... every other breakfast food is included. It was damn good.

On the way to the airport, Manda's grandparents insisted we meet them at their favorite Chinese restaurant. After arriving, we refused to eat. There simply was no room anywhere in our bodies to shove additional food. Well... we did have an ice cream cone while we watched them eat. But other than that, we succeeded in our forced anorexia for a few hours.

We're now spending all our free time at the gym. Damn southern food! :o)

Peace Out.
:o)

July Fourth.

Every summer we head across the country to Georgia. Atlanta specifically. Always a good time, we look forward to it every year. We spent our July 4th weekend frollicking amongst the Georgia peaches. And when I say "peaches", I mean homos. It was Gay Pride Weekend!

We stayed with Kim and Pam. My fictional step-parents. Two people I'll always be bonded to (whether they like it or not). They had the dubious task of entertaining us for 3 days. Pam's peanut butter pie was unbelievable. I had 4 pieces. Only 4 because we ran out of pie. Georgi (Kim and Pam's dog) was immensely entertaining. Between the pie, Georgi and Kim educating me about tennis (did you see the match between Federer and Nadal?!) I would have been content never leaving their house.

This was our 6th summer in Atlanta. The previous 4 years it rained. This year was the second time we've gotten drenched.

The first year the rain soaked us it was fun. Our friends left us in Piedmont park to watch one of our favorite singers perform (Melissa Ferrick). It was almost dark. There were people everywhere. Fifteen minutes before showtime, the wind picked up and the rain started falling. Manda and I started running around Piedmont park looking for shelter. By the time we found shelter it was too late. Loving the rain, I started jumping in puddles and singing songs at the top of my lungs. Manda joined me. Seriously, this is one of my favorite memories.

This year thunder and lightening wanted to play with the rain. Lightening is okay. A little flashy and wild, but doable. I just wish thunder would find other friends. And this wasn't skinny, shy thunder. This was big, bully, weight lifter thunder. The kind you can feel in your chest and makes the ground shake with fear. ::shudder:: We thought we were prepared for the rain. The ponchos proved futile. This was serious rain. The upside? We made new friends. Rain brings people together. Clay and Rob will always have a special place in our hearts for letting us into their home, giving us dry clothes and letting us whine. :o)

Atlanta was great. Seeing old friends and making new ones made it memorable. Already looking forward to next year.

Peace Out.

:o)

Patience is a virtue...

The four of us never thought we'd arrive in Cancun.

We arrived with the boys at the Phoenix airport two and a half hours before our flight.  Tack on the two and a half hours it was delayed and that equals five hours at the airport. Five hours of people watching. Five hours of saying "I'm sure we'll start boarding soon." Yeah. Whatever.

We did finally board our flight after they found us another plane. Turns out the "scheduled maintenance" turned into "not being able to fix the plane today". Oops.

We did finally arrive in Cancun. My naturally curly hair shouted "Finally some moisture!" as the plane touched down. The curling and frizzing started immediately. It wasn't long before I had an afro the size of the moon. My hat sat a full foot from the top of my head.

The line at immigration was long.

We spent another hour people watching as we waited to have our passports stamped. Stoney and Tony's passports were used to the drill. Manda and mine's were a little nervous to be stamped for the first time. The fellow who helped us was surprisingly gentle as he flipped our passports open, dipped his stampper in ink and left his mark.

I'm not sure if everyone knows the extent of my good fortune and luck. I mean delayed flights, lost baggage... If something good can happen, it will. So, imagine my pleasure when I was selected for a full and comprehensive search when going through customs. Actually, the search wasn't that bad, they warmed up the lube before applying it to the glove.

After customs and I had a cigarette and parted ways with promises to call each other later, the four of us started the ten minute journey to the hotel. Turns out there were a couple hundred other people trying to make a similar journey. We found ourselves at the back of this line since customs took so long to refold all the clothes in my suitcase. An hour later, we arrived at the hotel.

It was worth the delays and patience. Dinner was ready and waiting. The ocean waving at us as we approached.  We waved back... This was going to be a great trip!

... more to come...

Peace Out.

:o)

It Itches.

So. It finally happened. After all these years of talking about it. Years of accusing other people of having one. Years of laughing at the mere possibility.  I have a rash. Yes. A real one.

It showed up on Monday. The itching was the first clue. It started creeping across my astonishingly firm abdominals (a girl can wish!). Then it headed north to my chest. (have I mentioned I can now bench press 85 pounds?).

 

Before I knew it, the rash had invaded my nether regions... my legs silly!

We're pretty sure the rash is a direct result of my attempting to obtain a tan via fake baking. There are parts of my body that haven't seen sunlight since the last time I ran around outside naked. Which I'm pretty sure was in the early 80's.

 

Since the rash still hasn't fully disappeared, I had to break down and call a doctor. Sheesh. I told my boss I had a doctor's appointment because of hives. I thought a rash sounded too "STD-ish".

 

Any of you have any ointment I can borrow?... After my doctor gives me my own stash I'll return the favor.

And to anyone wondering. It only itches. No burning. :o)

Peace Out.

Cooking Humans.

So. I'm pretty white. In fact I glow in the dark.

And since we're going to Cancun with the boys at the end of May, I'm in trouble. Skin as white as mine would shrivel up and die if suddenly exposed to large amounts of sun. So, after much discussion Manda convinced me to fake bake. Yes. I am now cooking myself in a human microwave.

 

I'd never "fake baked" before. I was nervous. The leather skinned lady that ran the tanning place (appropriately called "Jamaca Me Tan") gave us a brief tour and tutorial of how to work the microwave. The instructions were simple. Lay down, hit "start" on the machine, put your protective eye-wear on, lower the top, lay there for 12 minutes, turn over, then lay there for another 12 minutes. If you're still frozen in the center cook for another 3-5 minutes.

 

I was volunteered to go first. Of course this made sense since I had no clue what I was doing. I had to ask Manda a bunch of follow up questions before I felt comfortable heading out on my own. She was patient and only laughed at me a few times.

 

Do you ever wonder while you're getting naked in a strange place if you're going to see your blurred image on the news in 6 months after they discovered this company illegally taping people getting dressed/undressed? I may have wondered that.

 

So, I lay down, hit Start, lower the top and then realize I don't have my protective eye-wear on (called "Peepers"). Since I wasn't sure what would happen if I opened the top, I crawled through the opening in the bed by my head. Slithered is more like what I did. Once my peepers were on, I slithered back into the hole and got settled.

 

I was scared to touch the inside of the machine. I was afraid it would burn me. It was only when I had to turn over and I wacked my elbow on the top, that I realized there was nothing to be scared of. This was also about the time my peepers kept falling off. I couldn't keep them on. "You have to wear them at all times" kept running through my head. Well crap.

 

So every 30 seconds I had to fumble around and put them back over my eyes. These things were poorly designed.

So after I was done, it was Manda's turn. We had a brief conversation while leather lady "sanitized" the tanning bed for Manda. Here are the highlights of our conversation:

M: "how was it?"

L: "clausterphobic and hot"

M: " *laughs* your face is all freckles."

L: "thanks. i couldn't keep my peepers on."

M "did you use the elastic strap that comes with them?"

L: "what elastic strap?"

M: "*laughs* This one."

L: "oh. no. i didn't know that came with them."

M: " leather lady is bi-sexual."

L: "what?"

M: "okay, the bed's ready."

So, Manda runs off. No explanation of how she knows this lady is bi-sexual. No explanation as to why she felt it was important to share this information with me.

Now, it's me and leather lady staring at each other. I'm not sure what to say. She apparently wasn't shy and immediately started in on how she's married, but likes having girlfriends on the side. With her husbands approval. (she made sure to emphasize that part.) I didn't know what to say to this. All I kept saying was "oh really? that's neat." Thankfully, other customers showed up and I didn't have to talk much after that.

 

So far, I'm not a fan of the human microwave. I think I'll stop visiting it after Cancun.

Peace Out.

The Boys.

Stoney and Tony. Our two best friends.  They're like the gay brothers we never had... and well, sometimes. They're like sisters as well. Just depends on their mood. :o)

We rang in new year's 2008 in Vegas with our boys. Nothing like flying into Vegas at 7pm and flying out of Vegas at 7am. Call it a Vegas quickie if you will. :o)

Our evening started out fantastically. Our flight was delayed an hour. I'm sorry. Let me lay on the sarcasm a little more...

fantastically

. We had dinner reservations to catch. In fact if we missed our time slot, the price for dinner rose to $300 a person. No pressure.

With forty-five minutes to spare, we caught a taxi from the Vegas airport.  Really though. I should call it a "scenic tour of the area surrounding the strip". We were taken for a ride. But is a trip to Vegas really complete if you don't get taken by a taxi driver? It is all part of the Vegas experience.  Plus every quickie starts with an unimpressive "you're gonna do what?" beginning... ha ha ha.

We couldn't get dropped off at the Bellagio (where we were eating dinner) because of traffic restrictions. What this meant for our time line was: after our 20 minute tour, we had a 20 minute scramble from the MGM to the Bellagio.  Normally this wouldn't be hard. But with a gazillion people and road restrictions everywhere, we felt like the obligatory gay couples on the Amazing Race.

We arrived with 5 minutes to spare. Granted we were sweaty and breathing hard. But what do you expect from a quickie?

Dinner was fantastic. And this time I really mean it was fantastic. No sarcasm.

Now this is where the bragging starts. Manda and I... we're pretty high rollers. With all our bling, people are constantly ogling us in casinos. We walk by slot machines and they speak to us. "Pull my lever and I'll give you a quarter"... Don't hate.

Like I said. I don't want to brag. We're pretty experience gamblers.  It took me five minutes to lose $3 on the two cent slots. It took Manda ten minutes to lose $5 on the nickel slots.  Stoney and Tony... well, let's just say they lost more than we did. :o)

However, our loses paled in comparison to a lady we met in the Paris. She was having a bad night. Not only was she drunk off her ass. Not only had she lost $12,000.  Not only did she wear black nylons under her jeans. She tried to hit on Stoney. Poor girl.

This wasn't our first New Year's in Vegas. However. It will be our last. At 4:30am, as we were sitting crouched together at our gate in the airport.  We'd just waited outside (32 freaking degrees!) in line for an hour to catch a shuttle to the airport. We were freezing. We were tired. We desperately wanted to brush our teeth. We realized, our asses are too damn old for this crap.

Although our quickie in Vegas allowed us to ring in the new year with our two best friends. It left us much like quickies do. Mostly satisfied, but tired, disheveled and needing a shower.

Who wants to spend new year's 2009 playing Parcheesi and Monopoly at our house!?

Happy New Year Folks!!

:o)