You look different than I thought.

Recently I traveled to meet my new boss. I was pretty nervous about the meeting so naturally Manda took me shopping for a new suit. Nothing boosts confidence levels like new clothes. Black pin-strip pant-suit with a matching vest. Pimpin.

The work day started with 8 hours of meetings and ended with a team dinner.

There were 20+ people who arrived for dinner. The restaurant didn't have a table big enough for 20+ people, so they spread us out amongst multiple tables. I thought it was pretty freaking neat that my new boss chose to sit next to me. I took it as a sign that I hadn't been a total dork in the 8 hours of meetings earlier that day.

During appetizers, my new boss turned to me and said: "You look different that I thought you would."

I was stunned for a few moments but then chuckled and said "I know I'm blessed with a gruff voice, but what were you expecting? A six foot line backer in a dress?"

After the comment left my mouth, I feared she would say "yes, that is exactly what I was expecting." Thankfully, she shook her head, laughed and said simply "no."

Okay. Fine keep me guessing. I could do this all night. Thankfully it didn't go on that long. After a few more questions she finally told me: "well, you look scholarly."

So. Basically. She didn't get the impression I was all that smart. Awesome.

I asked her if it was my glasses. She informed me it wasn't my glasses. Without thinking, I leaned back in my chair and said "it's this sweet vest I'm wearing isn't it?"

Thankfully she got my sense of humor and laughed. *phew*

I never did find out what she thought I'd look like. My money is on the six foot line backer in a dress. Anyone who's ever heard me talk would agree.

Peace Out.
:o)

Pee Dance.

I forget to pee. I forget to pee a lot. To me it's like stopping to fill your car with gas. It's a waste of time.

Just because I forget to pee, doesn't mean I don't have to go. In fact, I can be doing the pee dance one minute and then my A.D.D. kicks in and I completely forget about it. And what's even better is my bladder seems to forget as well. Who knew A.D.D. was a full body thing? It works out really well. Especially during those long lung transplant surgeries.

That is until my A.D.D. wanes and I suddenly have to pee again. This results in me suddenly resuming my panicky pee dance. I admit to using methods such as crotch grabbing and leg crossing to ease the urge. I find making noises helps as well. I'm just saying.

This cycle can go on all day. And I literally mean all day. There are days I pee when I get up, But I don't go again until I get home from work... sometimes 7 or 8pm.

While I realize this is hell on my kidneys and bladder, I really can't help it. A.D.D. is A.D.D. I really do forget. Manda just shakes her head at me. She's given up on solving this problem.

I have a good buddy at work. We socialize on the weekends sometimes. Thus she is very aware of my problem of forgetting to pee. She came up with a comical solution to my problem.

She sent me a meeting request for 3:30pm every day. The title of this meeting request? "Go Pee!". The location of this meeting? "Whatever restroom is closest".

I usually giggle a little and hit dismiss every time the reminder for the "meeting" pops up. (We've never actually met in the nearest restroom at 3:30. That might be a little weird. I don't like hearing my friends pee. I always feel awkward, like I'm seeing them naked. Plus, I don't want to know if they're somebody who farts while they pee. Seriously. *shivers*)

I never really thought about deleting the meeting as I think it's hilarious.

Well a few days ago, I was having problems with my computer at work. So, naturally I contact the IT guy. (what does a lung surgeon know about computers?... psssh. ) Him and I are cordial, but by no means friends. So, while we're chatting on the phone, he says "let me remote into your laptop and try to fix your issue." Sure, why not.

Well, he'd been working in my computer for 15 minutes or so when the meeting reminder pops up. Yep, right in the middle of my computer screen it says: "Go Pee!!!!!!!!!", with that clever location of "Whatever restroom is closest." right underneath it.

I freeze because there is no way he doesn't see the pop up, plus he has control of my computer.

He goes silent on the phone. I'm silent because I'm not sure whether I should acknowledge what is on the screen or perhaps feign ignorance as to how that got on my calendar. Something like "This must be a mistake, I don't need reminders to pee..."

I decide to say nothing and try to get it off the screen. Not sure if my mouse works, I grab it and try clicking "dismiss" on the meeting reminder.

And I'm actually not sure who hit dismiss. I think I did, but after the meeting request disappeared, he kept working like he'd never seen it.

There are probably rumors going around about how I wear adult diapers because I have problems peeing. Or that this coworker and I meeting every afternoon in the restroom to pee together. Which really, all things considered, these are pretty tame rumors. Especially since I started that one about the proctologist down the hall and his jar of mayo. Don't ask.

I still have the meeting on my calendar. I really do need the reminder. As for my computer, it still isn't working properly.

Peace Out.

=o)

Time Flies.

Man it seems like only yesterday it was January 24th... A few days before I traveled to Little Rock for work. Being a lung surgeon can be really exhausting sometimes.

My trip to Little Rock was pretty benign... I didn't get to see Freda if that's what you were wondering. Apparently I have to go to Seattle for that. I miss her.

The car I got wasn't nearly as cool. She was stiff, unwelcoming. Nothing I did relaxed or soothed her. Needless to say, we didn't hit it off. Maybe my hands were too rough, my butt too big or perhaps I just wasn't her type.  She was jumpy and every bump, pot hole, corner we encountered resulted in a squeak. In all the cars I've driven, and trust me, I've driven a lot of cars, I have never needed/wanted/resorted to outside sources of lubricant. It has always just worked itself out. Not this time. WD-40 was an absolute necessity.

Most of my trip to Arkansas was filled with one set of lungs after another. Really, if you've seen one pair you've seen them all. The subtle differences in size and coloring are nothing to write home about. Some people are fascinated by the mere site of them. Not me. In my opinion you can't really appreciate a good pair until you've handled them.

Other than the prude car I drove around, and the obvious lung handling, I saw the big dam bridge. It was a big dam bridge. Big. and over a dam. The dam was in the Arkansas River. That's a big dam river. Here's a pic.

I did get to see my brother for a bit. He's a lung surgeon too. (He helped me through medical school. Such a good guy).  Seeing family on business trips always keeps things interesting. Nothing like being in the operating room and having your brother say "I'm telling mom you said that." So mature bro.

Anyways. Yet another exciting business trip under my belt. I think I am due for a free plane ticket soon. Some how it seems slightly lopsided that I have to fly like 87 times to qualify for a free plane ticket. Whatever.

Peace Out.

Occasionally. Things get awkward.

Disclaimer: this 5 minute interaction with Ms. Wandering Hands was more comical than anything else. She was drunk and I'll probably never see her again. Which is good. Good because I don't feel like being felt by her. :o) 

On occasion, people find me attractive. I'm not saying it happens often. Just saying it happens.

Recently, I was out with friends. Sans Manda. Which means I was without a buffer. I had to fend for myself. I'm not very good at fending.

Not long into the evening she approached. Her. Ms. Wandering Hands. The molestor.

I didn't feel threatened by her. Not her presence. Not her lack of recognition of my personal space. But then again. I have a weakness for cute girls with southern accents.

"Can I buy you a drink?" ... that's how it harmlessly started. I had a full glass in my hand. Maybe she didn't notice it? I'm pretty smooth. I replied with, "No thanks. I'm good."  I think she needed confirmation of my goodness. Why else would her hand find its way onto my forearm? Not in a casual way. More in a "your skin is so soft" kind of way. Don't know if you're familiar with this method. It requires friction. Rubbing up and down.

I managed to gently extract my forearm from her grasp. Relief. That's what I felt. This isn't awkward. It would be okay.

No it wouldn't. Turns out I have such strong biceps. I must work out. Or at least that's what she told me. I do work out. So I flexed for her. She was impressed. I don't mean to brag, but I can bench press like 50 pounds. I'm just saying.

My bra size. That's what she was trying to figure out. Maybe she needed to borrow a bra. Maybe hers didn't fit right. Maybe she was thinking of getting implants and my size looked good. She might have been shy. Too shy to simply ask. Regardless, she attempted a hands on examination of my goods.

Normally, I like to help people out. I'm a giver. I sometimes cry at Hallmark commercials. I care. I feel for others. Turns out, others feeling for me can be awkward. Really awkward.

Like I said, I'm smooth. I have reflexes like a cat. I only froze for like 5 seconds. Ten tops. It's really all a blur. I know I smiled. She smiled. I think she thought I was going to give up my size. Instead, I handed her hands back to her and walked away.

Kind of anti-climatic. I realize this. But when you're as smooth as me, actions speak louder than words. I am confident she got the message I was sending. "You totally didn't say please first!"

Manda was ecstatic when I told her about the girl who wanted to know my bra size. Really though. I think her laughter sounded a little forced.

Peace Out.

Cruising.

On occasion I travel for my profession. Not every lung transplant happens locally. (Who knew?)  There were half a dozen lungs needing new homes in Seattle. I decided to help them move in.

Although I reserved a Porsche with the rental car company. They were idiots. A ford focus? You're kidding. Please be kidding. Surely you have something larger. Something that doesn't depend on hamsters to move.

Lindsay. Meet Freda. Freda's a ford focus.

Sexy. That's what Freda was. The green paint contrasted nicely with the blue waters and concrete freeways. Plus, as I mentioned earlier, Freda matched my eyes.

It rained. Freda handled the slicks and puddles well. A hydroplane here or there is good for blood circulation. Not to mention my fellow drivers enjoyed the opportunities to flip me off and honk their horns. Within days, my nickname was "learn how to drive!"... *sigh*... the memories.

Manda spent the weekend with me. She was fortunate to spend time with Freda. Since my hotel was actually outside of Seattle, Freda escorted us across Lake Washington several times. Because Freda was so well built, I didn't even notice the bridge across Lake Washington was a floating bridge. You'd think "floating... surely you got sea sick". Maybe in lesser cars. But not in Freda. I didn't bob up and down. Not once.

Manda and I had a blast zipping around. Freda was so agile. First to expensive restaurants. Then to the Seattle Aquarium (cute little fishies). Next to the Space Needle (The name is misleading. It is not in space. I kind of felt ripped off.) Eventually we found our way to the Seattle Underground. (It was underground. No misleading there) Sure we were tourists... but with Freda's Washington license plate, we felt like locals.

Freda was so different from the others I've driven. There wasn't an awkward period in the beginning. We clicked right away. She was perky. Eager to please. She had tight curves. Sure her head lights weren't as large as others, but she was beautiful on the inside. You could ease her gently or make her squeal. When I begged her to stop, she did. She was just so responsive. *sigh*

Seattle was great. Sure. I spent a good chunk of time moving lungs around. But then Freda spent a lot of time moving me around. Having Manda there to experience new things with me made it even better.

Manda. Freda. Me. Almost sounds like a kinky 3some.

Peace Out.

Lindsay