Patience is a virtue...

The four of us never thought we'd arrive in Cancun.

We arrived with the boys at the Phoenix airport two and a half hours before our flight.  Tack on the two and a half hours it was delayed and that equals five hours at the airport. Five hours of people watching. Five hours of saying "I'm sure we'll start boarding soon." Yeah. Whatever.

We did finally board our flight after they found us another plane. Turns out the "scheduled maintenance" turned into "not being able to fix the plane today". Oops.

We did finally arrive in Cancun. My naturally curly hair shouted "Finally some moisture!" as the plane touched down. The curling and frizzing started immediately. It wasn't long before I had an afro the size of the moon. My hat sat a full foot from the top of my head.

The line at immigration was long.

We spent another hour people watching as we waited to have our passports stamped. Stoney and Tony's passports were used to the drill. Manda and mine's were a little nervous to be stamped for the first time. The fellow who helped us was surprisingly gentle as he flipped our passports open, dipped his stampper in ink and left his mark.

I'm not sure if everyone knows the extent of my good fortune and luck. I mean delayed flights, lost baggage... If something good can happen, it will. So, imagine my pleasure when I was selected for a full and comprehensive search when going through customs. Actually, the search wasn't that bad, they warmed up the lube before applying it to the glove.

After customs and I had a cigarette and parted ways with promises to call each other later, the four of us started the ten minute journey to the hotel. Turns out there were a couple hundred other people trying to make a similar journey. We found ourselves at the back of this line since customs took so long to refold all the clothes in my suitcase. An hour later, we arrived at the hotel.

It was worth the delays and patience. Dinner was ready and waiting. The ocean waving at us as we approached.  We waved back... This was going to be a great trip!

... more to come...

Peace Out.

:o)

Amazing Genes.

My grandma was a brilliant, energetic woman who passed away May 11th. Less than a week after being diagnosed with liver cancer. She had the innocent, contagious energy of a child and the hard earned wisdom of a woman who lived her life to the fullest. And being married half a dozen times, she did indeed live life to the fullest!

Water was her vice. So much so, she was concerned they wouldn't have enough for her in heaven. She asked us multiple times if we thought God had sufficient water stored up. We assured her that God would know what she needed. After she passed, we smiled and said, "Guess she was finally convinced there would be enough water in heaven." Hilarious and witty despite her pain, my grandma left us smiling.

Watching my mother watch her mother die was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. My mother is amazing. Her strength. Her dedication and loyalty. No matter how much she cried, she was still beautiful. Me however, I cry and my face swells up like a ballon and my nose glows in the dark. I apparently got my dad's crying genes.

To her core, my mother is a genuinely good person. She'll only kill insects and small rodents. Nothing larger than that. Well, okay she ran over a snake once with the car, but it was only because she didn't see it until it was too late. Other than that, she doesn't kill much.

Through all the tears, there was laughter. Lots of laughter. Laughter because my grandma was funnier than hell. But also, because being around my family always leads to laughter. Someone always says something stupid, or a niece/nephew has projectile diarrhea... or sometimes we laugh because we don't know what else to do.

My point in talking about all of this is: I come from a long line of amazing women. If I turn out to be anything but amazing, it is my father's fault. Since only his genes could screw things up at this point.

Really though, I am very fortunate to have had my grandma's influence in my life. And even more so to have been raised by my mother. (and my father, but that's a whole other story!)

Peace Out.
:o)

It Itches.

So. It finally happened. After all these years of talking about it. Years of accusing other people of having one. Years of laughing at the mere possibility.  I have a rash. Yes. A real one.

It showed up on Monday. The itching was the first clue. It started creeping across my astonishingly firm abdominals (a girl can wish!). Then it headed north to my chest. (have I mentioned I can now bench press 85 pounds?).

 

Before I knew it, the rash had invaded my nether regions... my legs silly!

We're pretty sure the rash is a direct result of my attempting to obtain a tan via fake baking. There are parts of my body that haven't seen sunlight since the last time I ran around outside naked. Which I'm pretty sure was in the early 80's.

 

Since the rash still hasn't fully disappeared, I had to break down and call a doctor. Sheesh. I told my boss I had a doctor's appointment because of hives. I thought a rash sounded too "STD-ish".

 

Any of you have any ointment I can borrow?... After my doctor gives me my own stash I'll return the favor.

And to anyone wondering. It only itches. No burning. :o)

Peace Out.

Cooking Humans.

So. I'm pretty white. In fact I glow in the dark.

And since we're going to Cancun with the boys at the end of May, I'm in trouble. Skin as white as mine would shrivel up and die if suddenly exposed to large amounts of sun. So, after much discussion Manda convinced me to fake bake. Yes. I am now cooking myself in a human microwave.

 

I'd never "fake baked" before. I was nervous. The leather skinned lady that ran the tanning place (appropriately called "Jamaca Me Tan") gave us a brief tour and tutorial of how to work the microwave. The instructions were simple. Lay down, hit "start" on the machine, put your protective eye-wear on, lower the top, lay there for 12 minutes, turn over, then lay there for another 12 minutes. If you're still frozen in the center cook for another 3-5 minutes.

 

I was volunteered to go first. Of course this made sense since I had no clue what I was doing. I had to ask Manda a bunch of follow up questions before I felt comfortable heading out on my own. She was patient and only laughed at me a few times.

 

Do you ever wonder while you're getting naked in a strange place if you're going to see your blurred image on the news in 6 months after they discovered this company illegally taping people getting dressed/undressed? I may have wondered that.

 

So, I lay down, hit Start, lower the top and then realize I don't have my protective eye-wear on (called "Peepers"). Since I wasn't sure what would happen if I opened the top, I crawled through the opening in the bed by my head. Slithered is more like what I did. Once my peepers were on, I slithered back into the hole and got settled.

 

I was scared to touch the inside of the machine. I was afraid it would burn me. It was only when I had to turn over and I wacked my elbow on the top, that I realized there was nothing to be scared of. This was also about the time my peepers kept falling off. I couldn't keep them on. "You have to wear them at all times" kept running through my head. Well crap.

 

So every 30 seconds I had to fumble around and put them back over my eyes. These things were poorly designed.

So after I was done, it was Manda's turn. We had a brief conversation while leather lady "sanitized" the tanning bed for Manda. Here are the highlights of our conversation:

M: "how was it?"

L: "clausterphobic and hot"

M: " *laughs* your face is all freckles."

L: "thanks. i couldn't keep my peepers on."

M "did you use the elastic strap that comes with them?"

L: "what elastic strap?"

M: "*laughs* This one."

L: "oh. no. i didn't know that came with them."

M: " leather lady is bi-sexual."

L: "what?"

M: "okay, the bed's ready."

So, Manda runs off. No explanation of how she knows this lady is bi-sexual. No explanation as to why she felt it was important to share this information with me.

Now, it's me and leather lady staring at each other. I'm not sure what to say. She apparently wasn't shy and immediately started in on how she's married, but likes having girlfriends on the side. With her husbands approval. (she made sure to emphasize that part.) I didn't know what to say to this. All I kept saying was "oh really? that's neat." Thankfully, other customers showed up and I didn't have to talk much after that.

 

So far, I'm not a fan of the human microwave. I think I'll stop visiting it after Cancun.

Peace Out.

Lexus Shmexus.

So. Manda got a new car (A freaking suh-weet Camry Sport). After I put new tires on my car, she just had to one up me. That's fine. Two can play at this game.

We went down to the local Lexus dealership to check out the car I've been wetting myself over for the last year. Seriously, in my dreams, this car and I run in slow motion along the beach at sunset.

Apparently the dealership closes at 7pm, so the initial trip was spent simply perusing locked cars. Oh and gasping at the sticker prices. Seriously, they think highly of their cars.

The next day we again made our way down there. Only this time we made sure we arrived before the sun set.

Our sales guy was Bruce. He seemed nice enough. Initially. All smiles and full of optimism. I explained that I only wanted to test drive a car. Not going to buy anything. Bruce was confident he could make the sale. I told him he would have to make me a really stupid deal for me to buy and that wasn't going to happen. He informed me they were overstocked and sales were slow. He told me that he hadn't lost a sale yet.

It started out innocent enough. He wanted to figure out what my trade was worth. I didn't want to do this, I only wanted to test drive the stupid car, but now I was curious as to what kind of dumb deal he was going to offer. Stupid me, I handed my keys to the Lexus appraiser.

Without even appraising my car, he started to tell me my trade was worth a lot less than it actually is. I saw where he was going and tried to head him off. Really sir, if you're going to low-ball me on my trade, we can stop now. I just want to test drive the car. I was polite. Not rude or disrepectful. There just wasn't any point in wasting each other's time.

This is where the mood started to shift. The light-hearted gregarious sales man disappeared.

He claimed he couldn't have low-balled me on my car since he hadn't even made me an offer yet. Technically he hadn't made me an offer, but you don't have to be a genuis to figure out where he was going with the "your car is only really worth this..." lingo.

In hind-site, Manda and I should have left at this point, but we figured this guy couldn't possible keep up this attitude. Plus, I really wanted to test drive the damn car.

To try to redirect the conversation, I told him we didn't need to go over what my car was worth, I was only interested in the Lexus and would like to test drive it. Apparently this threw him off, because he then looked at me and said "what are you looking for from me?" Holy cow. Talk about male PMS'ing mood swings. Gee, let's review. You're a car salesman. And I have stated 87 times I would like to test drive this particular car.

I didn't say that to him. I saw no point in dropping to his level. Instead I told him: If I were to buy a car today, he'd have to sell it to me for 300-500 above invoice. This seemed to piss him off greatly. Not sure why. Apparently he doesn't like women who know what they want.

His reaction was to lean back in his chair, put his hands on his belly and say "Let's pretend you and I are buddies, and I'm going to educate you on how this car buying thing works."

Now that is a direct quote. I know this will be hard to believe, but it didn't sit well with me. I couldn't fathom the two of us being buddies. So I cut him off by telling him this isn't my first time buying car, and I was in fact well researched in the car I was looking to test drive.

He didn't believe me because he started quizzing me on used-car whole-sale values. (I thought I was looking for a new car?) Since I couldn't answer every question he had, he had the balls to look at me and say "if you were as well researched as you say you are, you would know all of this."

This is where I lost my cool.

After asking Bruce if he was going to have this attitude the entire time, he feigned innocence. He had no idea what attitude I was talking about.

This is where Manda lost her cool. Which if there is one of us you don't want "un-cool" it's Manda. Her southern-biotch is no fun. It's almost like a silent fart. You don't know its happened until its too late and you're nose deep in the smell of sh*t.

Manda, in her cute southern accent, informed the guy he was an arrogant bastard. Only she didn't say those words. It was more like "Bless your heart, I bet you're over-compensating for a small penis" (or something more poetic that).

When Manda was done with him, she handed his balls back to him and he immediately changed his tune. He apologized profusely even offering to get another salesman for us. I said no thanks I just wanted the keys to my car so I could go, but he went to get one anyways.

In short order, the manager of the dealership was standing in front of us, with a beet red Bruce cowering behind him. The manager did all things he was supposed to do. He even got the keys back for my car.

In the end, the manager of the dealership took us out for a test drive. He's good at his job, because I'd almost forgotten how mad I was. We received all kinds of free food/drinks etc. But none of it was enough to erase what happened.

I love the car more after test driving it, but I don't know that I'll ever buy one now. I may just continue to own one in my dreams.

Oh and Bruce. You bastard. You finally lost a sale.

Peace Out.=o)

Top Ten: Manda Bday Adventures

Okay. I know it's not Tuesday. I'm breaking precedent here, but since I wrote this on Thursday  and Thursday starts with a "T" too, I thought I could get away with it. Maybe it needs to be Th-op Th-en Th-ursday?... It'll just sound  like I have a speech impediment. No big deal since I look like I should have one  anyways. 

As I mentioned before, Manda's mother Carol, aunt Rhonda and cousin  Jessie were in town for her birthday. You might be wondering how I survived 4  days and 3 nights with four women from Alabama? Simple. I developed a southern  accent and tried to fit in amongst the foreigners. :o)

Actually, Manda's family is a riot. When asked what Carol wanted to do when she was here, she had two answers: see Menopause the Musical and meet our friends. Here's the run down on the fun we  had:

10. Staying up late, eating home made peanut butter cake, talking "girl talk". It reminded me of my college days when my roommates used to sit eating a gallon of ice cream exclaiming "I'm so fat!"... only to utter "why don't any of the guys like me?!" a few minutes later. Classic good times right there.

9. Trekking to Scottsdale to attend "Menopause the Musical".  I learned a lot about "the change" as they called it. It was hilarious until it got awkward. Turns out this musical has a naughty side. More about that later. 

8. Driving to the summit of South Mountain. I almost drove off the rode several times due to the scenery. Luckily, everyone's screams brought me back to reality in time to steer back onto the road. We took the puppies too. Garrison wore his

brand new

backpack. Not five minutes after we got out of the car, he lifted his leg and peed all over the side of it. Fantastic.

7. Introducing Manda's family to "the boys" (Stoney and Tony). By the end of the evening the boys were receiving far more attention than Manda and I. What is it with straight women and gay men!?

6. Carol wanted to go dancing. When asked where she wanted to go, she replied "where you guys normally go." Okay, one lesbian bar coming up. This resulted in Carol, wide-eyed and smiling, dancing her butt off in a lesbian bar. When question about her wide-eyed-ness, she responded. "I have led a sheltered life. This is all very new to me. But I am having a great time."

5. Having dinner with 6 of our closest friends at one of our favorite restaurants (Sam's Cafe). Not only was dinner good, but the company was better. Plus, dessert was comped. Being the cheap bastard that I am, that alone made all the planning worth while.

Stoney and Tony are missing from this picture. But in their place is a large pillar. I have no clue why we're all cuddle around that thing like it's freaking Santa Claus.

4. Watching Carol drink 6 margaritas. Then when my back was turned, having her stab me in the butt with a fork and exclaim "I forked you!". Really. What does one say to something like that? "Thank you" doesn't seem adequate. In the heat of the moment, all I could think to say was: "Why, yes you did." ( A side note: I used to think I was smooth. But I am finding more and more evidence that I'm really not.)

3. Taking Manda's family to a gay country western bar and watching Carol, Rhonda and Jessie's  eyes light up at all the attractive men. Then watching their eyes dim when they  realized they were all gay. One of them muttered: "what a waste."

2.  Getting to the naughty part of Menopause the Musical. Somewhere towards the end, the topic turned to sex... or the lack there of. The actresses exclaimed "what you need is mommy's

real

little helper", then started singing a version of "Good vibrations" which included  lyrics like "She's needing some good vibrations... ".  Then came a version of Tina Turner's song What's Love Got To Do With it... only the lyrics included: "Who needs romancing for your own private dancing..."  I managed to avoid all eye contact with Manda's mother during  this portion of the entertainment.  After the show, Carol kept saying "I don't think you liked it... I didn't see you laughing very much."... yeah. Cuz it got

really

awkward in some parts.

1. Witnessing Carol meet her first drag queen. Then witnessing her  feel the drag queen up. Then listening to her say "her boobs might look real,  but they're not" for the next 3 hours.

To summarize: Manda's family came, Manda got older, Manda's family left. Somewhere in the middle a great time was had by all. For more photos, visit our

picasa

.

Peace Out.

:o)

Scissors are Dangerous.

Remember the warning we received numerous times as children? Don't run with scissors. My opinion? The warning should have been more elaborate. Running with scissors isn't the only activity in which these seemingly innocuous objects are dangerous.

Manda's family came to visit this past weekend, so we spent most of last week cleaning the house. Part of cleaning the house included shredding all the junk mail in the office. Of course this includes those stupid fake credit cards they send with your name on them. These little bundles of joy won't go through my pansy shredder. This is where the scissors come in. They needed to be cut up. I was prepared for this task with my shiny new scissors.

Manda was manning the shredder and handing me the pieces of plastic as she discovered them. My job was simple. Hold the little bastards over the trash can and cut them up. Like I said simple.

Now. I wasn't a scissor virgin. I'd used them before. I would even go as far as to call myself an experienced scissor user. I know which finger goes in which hole. I even have decent forearm strength for those long cutting sessions. Not bragging. I'm just stating the facts.

Manda and I were engaging in polite but loud conversation over the grinding shredder. Everything was fine until my A.D.D. kicked in and I took a mental vacation. This lovely vacation was cut violently short when the scissors entered the end of my finger.

Now when I say "entered my finger", what I really mean is: they stopped in, said hello and then took part of my finger with them when they left.

I was shocked at the sensation, or pain if you will. I paused to ask myself, "did I just do what I think I did?". Yes I did. I didn't dare look at my finger. Everyone knows looking only increasing the pain. Instead I grabbed my hand and made a beeline for the bathroom. I yelled "damn it" continually.

Now Manda, having seen my face as the scissors stopped in to say hi, knew I'd hurt myself. This was only confirmed by my repetitive chanting of "damn it". Now we've been together long enough, that when one of us hurts ourselves, the other person doesn't freak out. It's more like "*sigh* what trouble did you manage to get yourself in now?". So, she called out to me a few times. When all I would say was "damn it", she decided to come check on me.

I had my hand under the running water. My head was on the front of the sink. I was still unable to look at what I did for fear my entire finger would be gone (a little dramatic I know, but that's what it felt like). At this point, I'd added a word to my two word vocabulary. I was now exclaiming "damn it. Ouch." I believe my foot was also tapping the floor rather vigorously.

After many attempts I finally allowed Manda to look at my finger. Her reaction didn't help matters. "Oh baby. That's bad." Gee. Thanks.

I finally mustered up the guts to lift my head from the sink and saw all the blood in the sink. Now, if I was queezy this is where I would have vomited and passed out. Outside of my period, I don't think I've ever bled this much.

An hour later, after many gallons of water, several feet of paper towels and Manda finding the missing piece of my finger in the trash, the bleeding slowed and we were able to wrap it in gauze.

Now, the next day I learned that not all gauze is created equal. While attempting to change the bandage I discovered the importance of the phrase "non stick". After an hour of soaking my finger in hot water and hydrogen peroxide, we were unable to remove the gauze from the wound. It had decided to become part of the healing process. I was left with only one option. I had to rip the gauze out of the end of my finger.

Yes. I cried. Yes. It bled. Yes. I said "damn it" a few dozen times.

We promptly went to Walgreens and purchased the appropriate non-stick gear.

So. This experience taught me a few things.

1. I need supervision when using scissors.

2. "damn it" is a great pain reliever.

3. "non-stick" is important for more than just pots and pans.

Peace Out.

:o)

PS. Because of the splint on my finger (the splint is to prevent me from continually re-opening the wound. I had a problem with this.), this took almost two hours to type. Talk about effort.

Pee Dance.

I forget to pee. I forget to pee a lot. To me it's like stopping to fill your car with gas. It's a waste of time.

Just because I forget to pee, doesn't mean I don't have to go. In fact, I can be doing the pee dance one minute and then my A.D.D. kicks in and I completely forget about it. And what's even better is my bladder seems to forget as well. Who knew A.D.D. was a full body thing? It works out really well. Especially during those long lung transplant surgeries.

That is until my A.D.D. wanes and I suddenly have to pee again. This results in me suddenly resuming my panicky pee dance. I admit to using methods such as crotch grabbing and leg crossing to ease the urge. I find making noises helps as well. I'm just saying.

This cycle can go on all day. And I literally mean all day. There are days I pee when I get up, But I don't go again until I get home from work... sometimes 7 or 8pm.

While I realize this is hell on my kidneys and bladder, I really can't help it. A.D.D. is A.D.D. I really do forget. Manda just shakes her head at me. She's given up on solving this problem.

I have a good buddy at work. We socialize on the weekends sometimes. Thus she is very aware of my problem of forgetting to pee. She came up with a comical solution to my problem.

She sent me a meeting request for 3:30pm every day. The title of this meeting request? "Go Pee!". The location of this meeting? "Whatever restroom is closest".

I usually giggle a little and hit dismiss every time the reminder for the "meeting" pops up. (We've never actually met in the nearest restroom at 3:30. That might be a little weird. I don't like hearing my friends pee. I always feel awkward, like I'm seeing them naked. Plus, I don't want to know if they're somebody who farts while they pee. Seriously. *shivers*)

I never really thought about deleting the meeting as I think it's hilarious.

Well a few days ago, I was having problems with my computer at work. So, naturally I contact the IT guy. (what does a lung surgeon know about computers?... psssh. ) Him and I are cordial, but by no means friends. So, while we're chatting on the phone, he says "let me remote into your laptop and try to fix your issue." Sure, why not.

Well, he'd been working in my computer for 15 minutes or so when the meeting reminder pops up. Yep, right in the middle of my computer screen it says: "Go Pee!!!!!!!!!", with that clever location of "Whatever restroom is closest." right underneath it.

I freeze because there is no way he doesn't see the pop up, plus he has control of my computer.

He goes silent on the phone. I'm silent because I'm not sure whether I should acknowledge what is on the screen or perhaps feign ignorance as to how that got on my calendar. Something like "This must be a mistake, I don't need reminders to pee..."

I decide to say nothing and try to get it off the screen. Not sure if my mouse works, I grab it and try clicking "dismiss" on the meeting reminder.

And I'm actually not sure who hit dismiss. I think I did, but after the meeting request disappeared, he kept working like he'd never seen it.

There are probably rumors going around about how I wear adult diapers because I have problems peeing. Or that this coworker and I meeting every afternoon in the restroom to pee together. Which really, all things considered, these are pretty tame rumors. Especially since I started that one about the proctologist down the hall and his jar of mayo. Don't ask.

I still have the meeting on my calendar. I really do need the reminder. As for my computer, it still isn't working properly.

Peace Out.

=o)

New Shoes.

Our life is boring. You want to know how boring? So boring that the most exciting thing to happen in the last two weeks is that I got new tires on my SUV.

Now before you shriek with jealously, let me expound on the excitement even further. The installation took 45 minutes and I ate Sonic while I waited. Not just any Sonic meal. I got a delightful cherry limeade drink. Don't even get me started on the tater-tots.

So $87 million dollars later my car is driving around with new shoes. And you know what? It can drive faster now.

Remember when you were a kid and a new pair of shoes increased your running speed by at least 31.5%? That's how my car is. It just wants to drive places so it can go fast.

Plus, like a kid with new shoes, it feels more attractive. Despite the inch of dirt surrounding the entire exterior, I caught my car looking at itself in the reflection of the car in front of us. I am hoping this increased self esteem will have a positive impact on my gas mileage.

Manda's thinking of getting new tires now too. Only she has to one-up me and get the kind of new tires that come with a new car.  It turns out, we're pretty competitive.

Anyways. Now that you all know my car has new tires, I feel significantly closer to you. Maybe I'll invite you over sometime and we can sit and stare at my tires. Please, don't every one volunteer to hang out with me at once.

Peace Out.

Sina.

My good buddy Sina was kind enough to point out my neglect of the blog again. After her not so subtle reminder, I told her I would post something just for her.

Sina this is for you.

Sina and I were roommates in college for a bit. We hit it off as friends immediately. I mean, what wasn't to like about each other. Both hilarious. Both tremendous athletes. Both extremely intelligent. Not to mention strikingly good looking. We had a mutual appreciation for the greatness of the other person. Plus, we were really good for each others egos.

On a whim and due to a lack of spending money, we decided to get jobs. Due to our outstanding resumes and business acumen, we landed the most coveted jobs on campus. Nighttime janitors. We worked something like 10pm to 2am. The perfect schedule for college kids who have class the next day. But I digress.

The cool thing about us was the fact we never really took ourselves too seriously.  To demonstrate our eliteness, we made matching mixed tapes. Yes. Matching. You might be wondering why we would do something like this. It is really quite simple.

We both had our respective walk-mans, but we found it really annoying when the other was singing a long to a song the other person wasn't listening to. The obvious answer was matching mixed tapes. Those were the days. Running around the deserted Fine Arts building, singing at the top of our lungs. Riding up and down in the elevators just because we could.  Lip-syncing while watching ourselves in the mirrors of the many deserted bathrooms.

*sigh*

There is one song I will always associate with Sina. We used to sing it - together - over and over. We even developed our own harmony to the song. It was a Back Street Boys song. No need to embarrass ourselves any further. Sina knows the one.  :o)

Good times.

Thanks for the reminder Sina.

Peace Out.

Emily Tagged Me.

Not being familiar with the "tagging" process, I had to read the rules. Apparently someone tags you in their blog and then you're obligated to do what they say. Soooo...

Manda... Tag - please do the dishes. (I'll let you know if this works.)

Anyways. Back to Emily's tag:

A. The rules of this game are posted at the beginning.
B. Each player answers the question about themselves.
C. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people (or 3 if you don't have 5 friends) and posts their names, and then leaves a comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog to get the directions.

Questions:
10 yrs ago:
I was in my first year in college. I was working one full time job, one part time job and going to school full time. Nasty routine, but it has definitely paid off.

5 Things on my list of things to do today:
Since it is 8pm, my to-do list is pretty much checked off. But I'll recap. I had a doctor's appointment. That was it.  The rest of my day was spent nursing my sick girl. (Manda has the flu). We spent most of the day laying around reading and watching TV. (Don't hate and get jealous of our exciting life. Not everyone has the energy for all this activity.)

Things I would do if I suddenly became a billionaire:
We would suddenly become world travelers. That's it.

3 of my bad habits:
Manda says I mouth breathe sometimes when I'm sleeping. According to her that's really annoying. I constantly move. Whether I am tapping my foot, the table or spinning my phone around. Something is moving. I don't read instructions thoroughly.

Places I have lived:
Idaho, Utah, Arizona

Jobs I have had:
Call girl, hooker, janitor and now lung surgeon. I've moved up a lot in the last few years.

Things most people don't know about me:
I sometimes sleep with gum in my mouth and then chew it again the next day. I clip my finger nails every couple of days because dirt underneath my fingernails is enough to drive me completely insane. And after 7 years of driving a stick, I still stall and grind the gears weekly.

So, now I tag Manda, Alisa and Tracey (no pun intended... lol).

Time Flies.

Man it seems like only yesterday it was January 24th... A few days before I traveled to Little Rock for work. Being a lung surgeon can be really exhausting sometimes.

My trip to Little Rock was pretty benign... I didn't get to see Freda if that's what you were wondering. Apparently I have to go to Seattle for that. I miss her.

The car I got wasn't nearly as cool. She was stiff, unwelcoming. Nothing I did relaxed or soothed her. Needless to say, we didn't hit it off. Maybe my hands were too rough, my butt too big or perhaps I just wasn't her type.  She was jumpy and every bump, pot hole, corner we encountered resulted in a squeak. In all the cars I've driven, and trust me, I've driven a lot of cars, I have never needed/wanted/resorted to outside sources of lubricant. It has always just worked itself out. Not this time. WD-40 was an absolute necessity.

Most of my trip to Arkansas was filled with one set of lungs after another. Really, if you've seen one pair you've seen them all. The subtle differences in size and coloring are nothing to write home about. Some people are fascinated by the mere site of them. Not me. In my opinion you can't really appreciate a good pair until you've handled them.

Other than the prude car I drove around, and the obvious lung handling, I saw the big dam bridge. It was a big dam bridge. Big. and over a dam. The dam was in the Arkansas River. That's a big dam river. Here's a pic.

I did get to see my brother for a bit. He's a lung surgeon too. (He helped me through medical school. Such a good guy).  Seeing family on business trips always keeps things interesting. Nothing like being in the operating room and having your brother say "I'm telling mom you said that." So mature bro.

Anyways. Yet another exciting business trip under my belt. I think I am due for a free plane ticket soon. Some how it seems slightly lopsided that I have to fly like 87 times to qualify for a free plane ticket. Whatever.

Peace Out.

Talkin in her sleep.

Hi. It's almost 1:30am. And I can't sleep again. Tylenol Pm will make you sleepy my ass!

But anyways. That's not why I'm writing. So Manda is sound asleep... and I do mean sound asleep. She's full of all kind of noises. A few minutes ago, between her cute little snores, she turned to me and said "this thing is freaking fantastic!". And that was it. She was asleep again.

I don't know what the heck she was talking about.  She wouldn't answer me when I asked her "What?" But if it really is that fantastic, why is she not sharing it with me!? :o)

Peace Out. (and hopefully sweet dreams!)

Top Ten: Reasons I couldn't sleep last night

I'm tired and don't feel very good... so here's the short and sweet top 10 reasons I couldn't sleep.

10. I've been sick. Wah.

9. The cold medicine wore off. You see, I fell asleep at 9:30... but only slept for an hour before waking up. Drowsy medicine my ass! Double wah.

8. Lucy hogs the covers. For a 10 pound dog, she makes her presence in bed known.

7.  I was freezing.

6.  I was hot. It was one those situations where I would just get comfortable, and then I was hot. So, I would stick my leg out of the covers, only to get cold 2 minutes later. The fun never stopped.

5. Garrison couldn't sleep either. He kept walking around and shaking his collar (Manda calls it his "necklace"). That crap is loud at 2am when its dead silent.

4. I had to pee. Only once though. Not that big of a deal.  Manda went three times. (just in case you were curious)

3. My pillow kept sliding up the headboard... so I would wake with neck pain, only to find one cheek against my shoulder, the other smashed into the pillow. Good thing I have good chiropractic coverage.

2. The clock on my nightstand seemed a LOT brighter than usual.  I could see what time it was through my eyelids.

1. I didn't want to go to work today. Whenever I don't want to go somewhere, I always stay up the night before thinking about all the reasons I don't want to go... This is counterproductive. I realize this. But it can't be helped.

Peace Out.

Why I love you.

It's been a while since I have posted on here.  I guess I have been neglecting our blog.  How horrible of me.  At least I am consistent, I have been neglecting my "other blog" for two years or more.  It's just hard.  Sometimes I get caught up in the chaotic disarray of everyday life. 

I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of my feelings with you, Linds.  I know I tell you every day I love you, but I don't know if you realize how much.  So, here goes an attempt.....

You.  You're so many things to me.  My best friend.  My companion.  My soul mate.  You make each day worth waking up for, worth enduring.  You are the perfect combination of humor, wit and beauty, both inside and out.  I love the way you can take any situation and see the good in it.  You can find humor in every aspect of life, no matter what it is.  I love when you get the giggles and can't stop laughing.  Your eyes start watering and you can't talk.  You are loyal to a fault.  Intelligent.  I love that you don't realize how very smart you are.  Your genuine love for animals. I love how you can laugh at yourself.  I love that you don't like onions and tomatoes.  =o)

You make me a better person by just being in my life.  Just being in your presence makes everything better.  And the biggest reason why I love you.....because you're you.  Thank you for sharing your life with me.

Well, enough sappiness. 

L8R.
Manda

Top Ten: Things you never wanted to know about me

1. When I was in grade school, I told my mom I didn't like having my fingernails painted because it interfered with my ability to write. How brilliant I was as a child. I still like my nails sans color. 

2. I'd rather read a book than watch TV, a movie or listen to music. What can I say? My imagination is much better than anyone else's. That's not to say I wouldn't sell my body on the street for good music. Because I totally would. But I wouldn't be a $20 music hooker... I'd be more like Heidi Fleiss. So. Let's just say, I could buy a lot more than good music! :o)

3. I really am easily amused. Anyone who has ever seen me get the giggles knows this. There is something to be said for finding the humor and silliness in life. If I totally fart while my chiropractor is adjusting me... How is THAT not funny?? A bit awkward for the doctor, but totally funny for me. (True story by the way)

4. I like to think I'm smooth. I like to think nothing gets me frazzled or embarrassed. But really. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. And I'm as awkward as they come. When hit on by people, my IQ drops 50 points and I say things like "What's your sign?", "Please don't follow me out to my car." or "*giggle* you have an accent." It really is amazing I'm not single.

5. I can become hyper-focused on things. Currently, I am obsessed with tortilla soup. If it is on the menu, I order it. In fact, I had it 3 times, from 3 different restaurants in the past 3 days. Now, you might be wondering a few things. Freaking Eh!? How many times did I go out to eat? Was it good all 3 times? Why fixate on tortilla soup? Answers: 3, no, and because I can.

6.I totally have A.D.D. Sometimes having conversations with me is like talking to a 3 year old. I am easily distracted by shiny objects and click through the channels on the TV like I'm flipping through a magazine. This contributes to my complete randomness when initiating new topics of conversation. I forget a lot of birthdays and can't remember what I wore yesterday, not to mention what the name of the person I met five minutes ago was.

7. Getting things in the mail is like Christmas to me. Think about it. The package/envelope has my name on it. I have no idea what is in it. For a brief moment before ripping it open, I am convinced it contains the one thing I really want. Now that "one thing" varies from moment to moment. Could be a new bike, a Mac Book Pro, a batch of Manda's grandmother's peanut brittle... OR it could be the cream that will finally get rid of that pesky rash.

8. I constantly joke about a non-existent rash. This never stops being funny. Sometimes I pretend other people have this rash. I do this by randomly asking them in front of other people "hey, i see you're itching your arm... rash still bothering you?" or "hey, thanks for letting me borrow your rash ointment. It's really helped with the burning and itching." Yes, I'm aware this is odd. But seriously, the look on people's faces is always funny.

9. I had 3 cavities the last time I went to the dentist. Amazing since it had been over 4 years since my last visit. What can I say? Dentists remind me of used car salesmen. Really. They tell you that you have 3 cavities and how do you know they're telling you the truth? Can you read x-rays? I can't.  This last time I only knew they were being honest because the teeth they pointed out corresponded with the intense shooting pain I was experiencing. Funny how that works out.

10. I currently want to buy a Cadillac CTS. Not because they're nice cars. Not because I need one. Not even because my dad owns one and I love driving it. I only want one because that is what Kate Walsh was driving in the Cadillac commercial where she asked me if my car turned me on.  No. My car does not turn me on. Wouldn't it be strange if it did? Long commutes would certainly be more interesting. And I'm pretty sure the accident rates would rise as well. "I'm sorry officer, I drive a stick shift and I was just trying grind it till if found the right gear..."

As I think of more things you wouldn't want to know about me, I'll pass them a long. (Lucky You!)

Peace out.

Top Ten: 2007 Holiday Adventures

Okay, so it's been a while for Top Ten Tuesdays... But I'm bringing them back. This week its the top ten adventures from my 2007 Holidays.

1. Surprising Manda's family for Thanksgiving. I thought her grandmother was going to have a heart attack she was so surprised. Luckily, she lived through it. Manda's cousin Brandy had the best reaction. She actually cried. I love people that cry (in a good way) at my surprise presence.  (Actually she was happier to see Manda. Which I guess is understandable since they've been best friends their whole lives.)

2. Learning to knit. My mother is famous for asking me to make her things for Christmas. Last year it was a quilt. This year it was a hat and scarf. To make things interesting (and to encourage the early onset of arthritis) I decided to teach myself to knit. It was a long, painful success. Mom loved her scarf (and I loved making it for her). The hat however was a disaster and I threw the bastard away.

3. Spending two hours talking to Manda's dad about being a firefighter-paramedic. This is an adventure because it was the first conversation he's ever had with me that consisted of more than 3 words. The entire time I was racking my brain for questions about a topic I know nothing about. AND to make it even more crazy, he looked me in the eyes the whole time.  I do believe he might like me.

4. Finding a vibrating "massager" in Manda's grandparent's house. It had attachments. Glad to know her grandparents still have the energy. Enough said.

5.  Traversing the strip in Las Vegas to make our dinner reservations at the Bellagio.  Running through crowds, dodging the "scary" people and laughing our asses off is always fun.

6. Sleeping curled up on a bench, with my neck at a ninety degree angle, while freezing my ass off in the Vegas airport. It took days for the kink in my neck to go away, but it was worth it.

7.  Taking Garrison and Lucy to the dog park on Christmas day. It was cold. The wind was cranking. And I forgot my jacket.  I couldn't leave though, the puppies were too ecstatic not to be stuck in the house watching me knit. I cut glass with my nips for an hour, but they loved every second.

8. Buying my directionally challenged girl a GPS unit for Christmas. I searched several stores only to find it out of stock everywhere. I ended up paying a fortune to express ship it... but it was all worth it. She not only loves it, but can now find her way anywhere! ... *sniff sniff* She's just growing up so fast...

9. Attending Manda's work Christmas party. She got TRASHED. In four and a half years, this is only the 2nd time I'd seen her drunk. Getting her to do anything was like herding a cat. She was adorable though. I've never been told I was "so beautiful" so many times. Thankfully, despite the A.D.D. issue, she's a cheery, happy, funny drunk.

10. Getting a gnarly upset stomach at Manda's parents house. Then being directed to use the "semi functional" guest toilet only to find that it wasn't functional at all AFTER I tried to flush. The toilet overflowed and was so clogged Manda's dad had to scoop my poo out with a cup into a bucket. I then watched as Manda carried this bucket down the hill to the woods by their house and dumped it out... more than once. The best part of this adventure? Manda told her dad  that she did it. In fact her exact words to her dad were: "Bet you never thought you'd be cleaning up my sh*t again." I love this woman! :o)

Hope your holidays were equally as adventurous!

Peace Out.

The Boys.

Stoney and Tony. Our two best friends.  They're like the gay brothers we never had... and well, sometimes. They're like sisters as well. Just depends on their mood. :o)

We rang in new year's 2008 in Vegas with our boys. Nothing like flying into Vegas at 7pm and flying out of Vegas at 7am. Call it a Vegas quickie if you will. :o)

Our evening started out fantastically. Our flight was delayed an hour. I'm sorry. Let me lay on the sarcasm a little more...

fantastically

. We had dinner reservations to catch. In fact if we missed our time slot, the price for dinner rose to $300 a person. No pressure.

With forty-five minutes to spare, we caught a taxi from the Vegas airport.  Really though. I should call it a "scenic tour of the area surrounding the strip". We were taken for a ride. But is a trip to Vegas really complete if you don't get taken by a taxi driver? It is all part of the Vegas experience.  Plus every quickie starts with an unimpressive "you're gonna do what?" beginning... ha ha ha.

We couldn't get dropped off at the Bellagio (where we were eating dinner) because of traffic restrictions. What this meant for our time line was: after our 20 minute tour, we had a 20 minute scramble from the MGM to the Bellagio.  Normally this wouldn't be hard. But with a gazillion people and road restrictions everywhere, we felt like the obligatory gay couples on the Amazing Race.

We arrived with 5 minutes to spare. Granted we were sweaty and breathing hard. But what do you expect from a quickie?

Dinner was fantastic. And this time I really mean it was fantastic. No sarcasm.

Now this is where the bragging starts. Manda and I... we're pretty high rollers. With all our bling, people are constantly ogling us in casinos. We walk by slot machines and they speak to us. "Pull my lever and I'll give you a quarter"... Don't hate.

Like I said. I don't want to brag. We're pretty experience gamblers.  It took me five minutes to lose $3 on the two cent slots. It took Manda ten minutes to lose $5 on the nickel slots.  Stoney and Tony... well, let's just say they lost more than we did. :o)

However, our loses paled in comparison to a lady we met in the Paris. She was having a bad night. Not only was she drunk off her ass. Not only had she lost $12,000.  Not only did she wear black nylons under her jeans. She tried to hit on Stoney. Poor girl.

This wasn't our first New Year's in Vegas. However. It will be our last. At 4:30am, as we were sitting crouched together at our gate in the airport.  We'd just waited outside (32 freaking degrees!) in line for an hour to catch a shuttle to the airport. We were freezing. We were tired. We desperately wanted to brush our teeth. We realized, our asses are too damn old for this crap.

Although our quickie in Vegas allowed us to ring in the new year with our two best friends. It left us much like quickies do. Mostly satisfied, but tired, disheveled and needing a shower.

Who wants to spend new year's 2009 playing Parcheesi and Monopoly at our house!?

Happy New Year Folks!!

:o)

Remember Me?

Okay. So we've been really busy. Thanksgiving, traveling, learning to knit, Christmas, more traveling. Crazy busy. Probably similar to how your lives have been recently.

We'll fill in the gaps in the next couple of days. Until then I just wanted to wish everyone Happy Holidays. Oh and to leave with you with the following images.

The story behind these images is: Manda's mom gave us each a gift card to Gap for Christmas. We went shopping tonight. She instructed us to send her photos of what she bought us. Well. Here you go.

I am wearing a white undershirt, white collared dress shirt, jean jacket, and "wonkey heart" (per the receipt) boxer briefs. I don't normally wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes. But. Well. It was either put them on over my pants or take a photo of me in my underwear. I didn't think Manda's mom wanted that mental image. :o)

It's been mentioned that I have "fashion icon" tendencies. I display them here.  Don't hate.

Manda has on two different raglan baseball shirts, a brown long sleeve shirt around her waist, a black undershirt, followed by lucky four leaf clover boxer briefs covering navy khakis.

Thanks Carol!!

:o)

Ouch. Again.

Garrison's torn paw pad has healed nicely. He was given a clean bill of health from his vet a couple of days ago. If only his health was still clean.

Every month or so, the kids (Lucy and Garrison) get their hair and nails done. They have a hair dresser (or groomer if you must) named Beth. Only Beth decided to get knocked up and had to take maternity leave. She didn't consult us, so we kind of felt like maybe she valued her family than us. :o)

Because our kids were looking nappy, we had to opt for an unknown hair dresser. Shouldn't be a problem right? I mean, how much could she mess up a haircut? *sigh*

Manda picked the kids up from their appointment this morning, only to notice Garrison was bleeding from his back right foot. Odd. He wasn't bleeding when we dropped him off.

Before Manda could even get an explanation, his nail fell off. Yes FELL OFF. Off to vet he went again. Free of charge this time. Free because the hair dresser people paid for it. (The kids get groomed at Petsmart, which thankfully also has a vet)

The hair dresser's only comment? "It could not have happened when I was clipping his toe nails." Hmm. That's kind of like a kid saying "I'm not doing anything" without being solicited.

Thankfully. Her coworkers were much more apologetic. They explained it was a direct result of his nail being cut too short.

Watching Garrison walk now is quite hilarious. He lifts the wrapped foot up much higher and sticks it straight back when walking. Poor guy. Not only does he walk funny. His hair cut is bad. Next thing you know, he'll start getting pimples and require glasses.

Hopefully, Beth's pregnancy situation resolves itself quickly. The kids won't have another appointment until Beth is back.  Not just because Garrison is now missing a toe nail. But because his hair cut is atrocious. Atrocious like a two year old cutting their own bangs with dull scissors.

Beth. Use birth control next time! :o)

Does anyone know where I can get some Lee Press Ons for puppies?

Peace Out.